We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
