I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
