I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this just has baby written all over it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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