Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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