i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
