i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
