saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
