What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
