You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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