I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
