I got chris browned last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
