I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
