Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So much Jack, so little girl.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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