Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
