I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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