i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
