I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
