one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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