I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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