She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They left me at home... I'm a liability
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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