EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
