She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
