Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
