bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
