some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
