i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
