put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
