guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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