Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
