Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
not ubering you a puppy
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
