are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
