HIV tests are more positive than that guy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
