I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
