It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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