I'm lost and stupid without you.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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