I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
