Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
