Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
