i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
