but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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