is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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