I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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