If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
