a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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