god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
