I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
