Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
