i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
