i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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