I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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