She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
