i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
