at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
