There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
