Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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