He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
