just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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