Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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